Change has a funny way of happening faster than you thought it ever would. Seems like the last three weeks have gone by without a chance for us to even catch our breath; the whole year has been like a whirlwind. Now we are sitting here three weeks out, our little precious babies still in the NICU, Avery getting ready for preschool, me getting ready to quit my job, Holly heading back to hers soon, and we are not feeling much ready.
Every day we just pray harder for the Lord to move, for Him to do something amazing and bring our babies home. It seems so senseless to have them be so far away, we can’t take them and hold them and feed them whenever we want. Forced to play the role of NICU parents, it is more difficult than you can imagine. Each night we lay awake, sleep is allusive.
September approaches and the season of fall is at hand. Last year around this time we were mourning the loss of our little one who passed in an ectopic pregnancy. Her name was to be Raina and it still hurts deeply that only the two of us even remember. And after so many attempts to have siblings for Miss Avery, we finally have a successful set of new babies and here we have them….but no wait we can’t actually take them home. Seems kind of cruel really…. Somehow in some way there is a reason.
Being a stay at home dad will be a huge adventure, and it does seems like the best choice to be made right now. But its scary, of course and I am nervous about the whole process. But deep down every day I am going to hate myself for not being smart enough to have a better job so the roles could be reversed. And I do tire of everyone who throws it in my face. If I could get a job which paid better I would be doing it by now. But no, I went to Bible school for five years and have nothing to stand on in the job market right now. So other than a desire to work in ministry…. I am going to be a great stay at home father. Just hopefully I can get some other work as well to make up for it.
September will prove to be a busy month then, with Avery starting her new school, my 29th birthday, and several more trips back and forth to the hospital. These have to make for some of the most difficult days in our lives right now, but the Lord is faithful and will see us through. We can trust Him and we will trust Him regardless. He has a plan, and we know He will guide us every step of the way.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Psalm 63:6-11
When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches.
Because You have been my help, Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.
My soul follows close behind You;
Your right hand upholds me. But those who seek my life, to destroy it,
Shall go into the lower parts of the earth. They shall fall by the sword; They shall be a portion for jackals. But the king shall rejoice in God; Everyone who swears by Him shall glory; But the mouth of those who speak lies shall be stopped.
Psalm 63:6-11
David lay awake in the middle of the night full of anxiety and thoughts overpowering his sleep. So many enemies trying to bait him and attack him, they all made for a large prayer request list. David had fought with lions and bears who would try attacking his sheep, but not even those could have prepared him for the wickedness of men around his own throne.
In those moments of darkness where the moon was shining into the mouth of whatever cave he was hiding, then He would find the Lord. Darkness has a way of causing our eyes to grow to adapt to whatever light they can find. Any source of light will help us slowly gain vision. In the darkest times we find out need for light overwhelms even the desire to eat.
Darkness will never overwhelm the light of the Lord God. His truth will always prevail and He will always be victorious in our circumstances. He is willing to break us, to send us through difficulty in order to reshape and remold us into the image He desires. David knew the Lord is righteous in all His work. Darkness may be necessary for us to see Him more clearly, and in the end His light is all we ever needed.
I meditate on You in the night watches.
Because You have been my help, Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice.
My soul follows close behind You;
Your right hand upholds me. But those who seek my life, to destroy it,
Shall go into the lower parts of the earth. They shall fall by the sword; They shall be a portion for jackals. But the king shall rejoice in God; Everyone who swears by Him shall glory; But the mouth of those who speak lies shall be stopped.
Psalm 63:6-11
David lay awake in the middle of the night full of anxiety and thoughts overpowering his sleep. So many enemies trying to bait him and attack him, they all made for a large prayer request list. David had fought with lions and bears who would try attacking his sheep, but not even those could have prepared him for the wickedness of men around his own throne.
In those moments of darkness where the moon was shining into the mouth of whatever cave he was hiding, then He would find the Lord. Darkness has a way of causing our eyes to grow to adapt to whatever light they can find. Any source of light will help us slowly gain vision. In the darkest times we find out need for light overwhelms even the desire to eat.
Darkness will never overwhelm the light of the Lord God. His truth will always prevail and He will always be victorious in our circumstances. He is willing to break us, to send us through difficulty in order to reshape and remold us into the image He desires. David knew the Lord is righteous in all His work. Darkness may be necessary for us to see Him more clearly, and in the end His light is all we ever needed.
Grams and ounces
Nineteen days in the NICU and counting. It is already nineteen too many but we continue to push ahead realizing this is all but a temporary time. Our precious babies grow by the gram and ounce every day. In order to keep track of the proper conversions I downloaded an I-phone App so I know how many grams they have to the ounce and pound. We wait with anticipation every day to see how much they will gain.
Little Kenny likes to chew on his fingers when he is hungry, which is pretty much all the time he is awake. My sweet little boy… I cherish him so much. I always wondered what it would be like to have a son and what kind of things I would be able to do with him. Fishing, sports play, you name it. There are a lot of things me and Erin and Avery can do together, but father and sons have their own bond. I lean heavily on my relationship with my own dad as an example of what is ahead.
My dad has always been the greatest hero in my life. He is a great example to me on how not only to be a great father, but also to be a great husband. Little Kenneth’s middle name is Gregory, named after my dad. My only heartbreak is I live so far away from both my parents and it is going to be hard to not be closer when I need advice. Precious Erin is growing little by little as well. She may not be picking up quick as her brother, but she is getting there. She is a wild little child already, just like her big sister. Hard to believe she is almost three weeks old, but the time goes too fast at the same time. Every day we wait and wait hoping and trusting the Lord will take care of her and Kenneth. I know He will and does.Meanwhile the NICU is a pretty lonely place full of so many little babies in need of love and tender care. The nurses do a great job but it’s hard when there are not enough people out there to love the little ones. We are pretty much living at the hospital for now, as it is our home till our babies are out of there. Homes are not buildings of wood and concrete, but of hearts welded together with love.
Little Kenny likes to chew on his fingers when he is hungry, which is pretty much all the time he is awake. My sweet little boy… I cherish him so much. I always wondered what it would be like to have a son and what kind of things I would be able to do with him. Fishing, sports play, you name it. There are a lot of things me and Erin and Avery can do together, but father and sons have their own bond. I lean heavily on my relationship with my own dad as an example of what is ahead.
My dad has always been the greatest hero in my life. He is a great example to me on how not only to be a great father, but also to be a great husband. Little Kenneth’s middle name is Gregory, named after my dad. My only heartbreak is I live so far away from both my parents and it is going to be hard to not be closer when I need advice. Precious Erin is growing little by little as well. She may not be picking up quick as her brother, but she is getting there. She is a wild little child already, just like her big sister. Hard to believe she is almost three weeks old, but the time goes too fast at the same time. Every day we wait and wait hoping and trusting the Lord will take care of her and Kenneth. I know He will and does.Meanwhile the NICU is a pretty lonely place full of so many little babies in need of love and tender care. The nurses do a great job but it’s hard when there are not enough people out there to love the little ones. We are pretty much living at the hospital for now, as it is our home till our babies are out of there. Homes are not buildings of wood and concrete, but of hearts welded together with love.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Psalm 63:1-5
Our precious twins are now two weeks old, and it doesn't seem like that much time has passed already. Little Kenneth is still growing strong and probably has a couple more weeks before he will get home. Erin on the other hand is still not gaining on the food and the doctors are concerned. She was sick from the beginning even in the womb it seems. Please pray as we trust them to find the help she needs. My little girl is going to have a long struggle ahead. Thank you for those prayers.
-David
------------------------------------------------------
A Psalm of David when he was in the wilderness of Judah.
God, You are my God; Early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land Where there is no water.
So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips. Psalm 63:1-5
David wandered in the wilderness for a great deal of time during his life, between running from King Saul and later from his own family. We hear the term wilderness so much we forget what kind of bareness such a place would be like. David was in the midst of the hot sands, rocks, surrounded by death and extreme conditions. David knew fully what it felt like to be thirsty in a dry land.
“My God,” is the difference between relationship and religion. David did not just have an abstract knowledge of the Most High, God was not just a theory or idea or hope. In the barren wilderness God was all David had to cling too. His God was His very source of strength in the greatest of troubles. We see many times throughout the Psalms, David struggled with his thoughts and feelings but always clung to the trust He has in His Savior.
Our soul will find satisfaction in nothing else other than the life giving truth of the Lord. Even when life is at its darkest hours, God is the light. He does not expect us to slap on a happy face and go our merry way with joy. He does expect us to confront Him with our darkest fears so He can be the one to take them away. Commit your praise and lips to the Lord, and He will be the water you seek in the wilderness of this life.
-David
------------------------------------------------------
A Psalm of David when he was in the wilderness of Judah.
God, You are my God; Early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land Where there is no water.
So I have looked for You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness, And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips. Psalm 63:1-5
David wandered in the wilderness for a great deal of time during his life, between running from King Saul and later from his own family. We hear the term wilderness so much we forget what kind of bareness such a place would be like. David was in the midst of the hot sands, rocks, surrounded by death and extreme conditions. David knew fully what it felt like to be thirsty in a dry land.
“My God,” is the difference between relationship and religion. David did not just have an abstract knowledge of the Most High, God was not just a theory or idea or hope. In the barren wilderness God was all David had to cling too. His God was His very source of strength in the greatest of troubles. We see many times throughout the Psalms, David struggled with his thoughts and feelings but always clung to the trust He has in His Savior.
Our soul will find satisfaction in nothing else other than the life giving truth of the Lord. Even when life is at its darkest hours, God is the light. He does not expect us to slap on a happy face and go our merry way with joy. He does expect us to confront Him with our darkest fears so He can be the one to take them away. Commit your praise and lips to the Lord, and He will be the water you seek in the wilderness of this life.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because You have been my help, Therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:6-8
If it were not for the Lord and the strength He gives; none of us would be able to stand. This world is just too cruel, to harsh, to wicked to maintain any form of life. Thanks be to the Lord Jesus and the Holy Spirit we can have a renewed strength every morning to continue and press ahead. After all there are so many wonderful blessings.
Here I am in the midst of my Word of Truth, strudying through Psalms. The messags coming out of these chapters are some of the most comforting and powerful. King David was a mighty man of God. But it was never the wars he won which made him a warrior. (Okay i know that sounds like something Yoda says in Star Wars but its still true.) Anyway the man David was a man after the heart of God. He was genuine in His affections for the Lord. He was honest and real. He has been my favorite Bible hero and of course my namesake. While we deal with the dark clouds overhead as we wait for our babies to come home, I can put my heart into these Scriptures and know Jesus is there with them.
Weeks it will be though we do not know how many. Erin was at 3'2 and Kenneth 4'7 last we checked. So we just have to pray they keep gaining and pushing ahead. Little Avery can't wait to help mother her little siblings. She is going to be so much help. Sure its scary thinking about what is ahead, but great is our excitment and weak is our patience. Still the Lord is good. He is watching over them and we will continue to trust in Him. Best is yet to come.
Psalm 63:6-8
If it were not for the Lord and the strength He gives; none of us would be able to stand. This world is just too cruel, to harsh, to wicked to maintain any form of life. Thanks be to the Lord Jesus and the Holy Spirit we can have a renewed strength every morning to continue and press ahead. After all there are so many wonderful blessings.
Here I am in the midst of my Word of Truth, strudying through Psalms. The messags coming out of these chapters are some of the most comforting and powerful. King David was a mighty man of God. But it was never the wars he won which made him a warrior. (Okay i know that sounds like something Yoda says in Star Wars but its still true.) Anyway the man David was a man after the heart of God. He was genuine in His affections for the Lord. He was honest and real. He has been my favorite Bible hero and of course my namesake. While we deal with the dark clouds overhead as we wait for our babies to come home, I can put my heart into these Scriptures and know Jesus is there with them.
Weeks it will be though we do not know how many. Erin was at 3'2 and Kenneth 4'7 last we checked. So we just have to pray they keep gaining and pushing ahead. Little Avery can't wait to help mother her little siblings. She is going to be so much help. Sure its scary thinking about what is ahead, but great is our excitment and weak is our patience. Still the Lord is good. He is watching over them and we will continue to trust in Him. Best is yet to come.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Baby story in Holly's words
Thank you everyone for the congrats we are over the moon with our little blessings, they are just wonderful sorry it took so long to post. It has been a whirlwind since Monday when the twinkies arrived. The last couple weeks have been hard... Ive had a lot of contractions and they have been trying to stop it so we could make it a little further.On Sunday night I started bleeding a little so I knew it was going to be soon, the contractions kept getting closer together. Monday morning I went straight to the doctor at 7am and I was dilated to 2 and 70% effaced but contractions were still 10 min apart and the doctor told me to go home and lay around and see how it progressed, and by 10:30 they were about 5 to 6 min, so I called and he told me to go to the hospital and when I got there I was a 4 to a 5 dilated but they wanted to wait on the c-section as long as possible well throughout the day I just kept having contractions about the same time apart. By 10:00pm the bleeding picked up and when the nurse went to check me again, well... my water broke during the exam and it was end game but I was a 6 dilated. She called the doctor and he came right over but we had to wait for the anesthesiologist (sp?) b/c he was already in another C-Section, by 11:20pm when he came in my contractions were about 30 seconds apart and I was dilated to a 10 and needed to push so bad while I was in the OR waiting, no drugs is not the way I wanted to go, lol. The doctor was quick about the C-Section and Kenneth- 4lbs 3oz was born at 11:33pm and Erin- 3lbs 4oz was born at 11:34pm on 08/09/10 The neonatologists were there and ready to assess the situation they quickly wrapped them up, held them up to me for literally 1 second and placed them in the incubator and ran them up to the NICU. Originally they were on the C-Pap for oxygen but then went to high flow nose canulas (sp?) but as of this morning they both are off oxygen completely and on room air!! Erin has been doing really good overall except her feedings have been struggling and she is at 3lbs 1oz right now and Kenneth has been having a lot of Bradycardias where his heart rate drops but today they have slowed down and he weights 4lbs 3oz today. I know we have a long way to go, original estimate time coming home is mid September so we just wait and see since I know we will have ups and downs along this bumpy NICU road. Trying to stay positive but its been hard this week.I just wanted to let everyone know how thankful I am for the prayers
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Faith in the night seasons
He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High, Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” Psalm 91:1-2
When one must face difficultlies in life, and it seems like darkness is closing in, we are all to aware of our evergrowing dependence on God for strength. He is always our refuge, He is always our shelter. The Word is where we look for strength and hope in our time of need. Every day we gain more and more faith as we trust in Him.
Our precious babies continue to grow and strengthen daily, it seems hour by hour they change. Thursday the doctors decided rather too soon I feel, Holly was ready to go home. So now we begin the travel between the babies and our house which is not going to easy. We do not know how long they will be there, but we know they are getting what they need right now. Somehow the Lord knows what we need to, and for one thing it is to depend on Him with our greater need.
Kenneth is having a lot of heart issues where the rate drops suddenly then goes back up. His weight is hanging near the low 4 pound mark. Erin is eating a lot better now than in the beginning, she is a little fighter for sure. She likes to look around and keep up to date on what is going on. 3 pounds and 3 ounces last night was her weight.
Avery is being Avery as usual, much more wild these days. I have not figured out if is due to her being out of daycare or not. I hope she adjusts to being a stay at home child once the babies do get back home. We have known for a long time now the babies are going to need a lot of attention, our precious little ones.
It is hard on mommy and daddy to see them so small and in the NICU. We pray every day for their stength and growth and know this is just a season we must pass through. It may seem dark and cold, we will be weak and weary, but the Lord is good and will be with us to see us through to the next stage. So for now we press ahead each new day back and forth waiting for our precious babies to be well enough to come home.
When one must face difficultlies in life, and it seems like darkness is closing in, we are all to aware of our evergrowing dependence on God for strength. He is always our refuge, He is always our shelter. The Word is where we look for strength and hope in our time of need. Every day we gain more and more faith as we trust in Him.
Our precious babies continue to grow and strengthen daily, it seems hour by hour they change. Thursday the doctors decided rather too soon I feel, Holly was ready to go home. So now we begin the travel between the babies and our house which is not going to easy. We do not know how long they will be there, but we know they are getting what they need right now. Somehow the Lord knows what we need to, and for one thing it is to depend on Him with our greater need.
Kenneth is having a lot of heart issues where the rate drops suddenly then goes back up. His weight is hanging near the low 4 pound mark. Erin is eating a lot better now than in the beginning, she is a little fighter for sure. She likes to look around and keep up to date on what is going on. 3 pounds and 3 ounces last night was her weight.
Avery is being Avery as usual, much more wild these days. I have not figured out if is due to her being out of daycare or not. I hope she adjusts to being a stay at home child once the babies do get back home. We have known for a long time now the babies are going to need a lot of attention, our precious little ones.
It is hard on mommy and daddy to see them so small and in the NICU. We pray every day for their stength and growth and know this is just a season we must pass through. It may seem dark and cold, we will be weak and weary, but the Lord is good and will be with us to see us through to the next stage. So for now we press ahead each new day back and forth waiting for our precious babies to be well enough to come home.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Birth story
Psalms 22:10 I have been dependent on you since birth; from the time I came out of my mother's womb you have been my God
Monday August 9th Holly was driven to the hospital by her best friend Lindsey, as she was having a lot of contractions and pain. She arrived and got checked in for a long afternoon and evening of waiting and praying for our little ones. At lunch time i left work and rushed to the hospital to see my darling wife and look forward to the babies finally joining us.
A long afternoon into the evening went by. Plenty of visits from a few family and friends. Holly and the babies were approaching the time. Not evening a sign of the doctor. Patience. Finally they checked on her progress at 10pm and discovered she was ready, babies water had broken. Erin and Kenneth were ready to come into the world... only problem is we are doing a c-section... hang in there babies.
My mother in law and I got into our surgery gowns ready to go in with Holly and see the little ones come. What an amazing experience it was going into the busy surgery room, crowded with nurses and doctors for both babies, my little ones came into the world. First Kenneth at 11:33 coming in at 4'3. Erin second coming in at 11:34 and 3'4. Both tiny little babies. Cut the cords and ready for action. Babies went to the NICU for tender love and care. With all the rush we tried to get in and see them all at once as much as we could. Aunt Nicole, Aunt Beth, Pam, Holly's step brother Richard was even there visiting his own relatives on another floor. Crazy night. Erin and Kenneth have their own little room.
A very tired mommy and daddy went down to sleep in recovery. Precious Avery was with Aunt Lindsey and her kids so that was a blessing too. She did get to see them and wants so badly to hold them. None of us got too much sleep. Our little ones will be in the NICU for quite a while as they get stronger. Baby Erin Nicole needs to develop more on her eating, which is normal and expected. Baby Kenneth is doing well with his own food. So we can already see their little personalities as well. Most precious and adorable twins! To think their mommy and her twin Nicole were born at this hospital almost 29 years ago.
We do get to touch our little ones which is a blessing. Erin was the first one to poop so shes already competing with her brother. She is also waving her feet around in the air looking for his head to kick we assume...kind of cute. I awaite the progress as they grow stronger and look forward to them arriving into our arms. What a blessing the Lord God has given us in this time.
Monday August 9th Holly was driven to the hospital by her best friend Lindsey, as she was having a lot of contractions and pain. She arrived and got checked in for a long afternoon and evening of waiting and praying for our little ones. At lunch time i left work and rushed to the hospital to see my darling wife and look forward to the babies finally joining us.
A long afternoon into the evening went by. Plenty of visits from a few family and friends. Holly and the babies were approaching the time. Not evening a sign of the doctor. Patience. Finally they checked on her progress at 10pm and discovered she was ready, babies water had broken. Erin and Kenneth were ready to come into the world... only problem is we are doing a c-section... hang in there babies.
My mother in law and I got into our surgery gowns ready to go in with Holly and see the little ones come. What an amazing experience it was going into the busy surgery room, crowded with nurses and doctors for both babies, my little ones came into the world. First Kenneth at 11:33 coming in at 4'3. Erin second coming in at 11:34 and 3'4. Both tiny little babies. Cut the cords and ready for action. Babies went to the NICU for tender love and care. With all the rush we tried to get in and see them all at once as much as we could. Aunt Nicole, Aunt Beth, Pam, Holly's step brother Richard was even there visiting his own relatives on another floor. Crazy night. Erin and Kenneth have their own little room.
A very tired mommy and daddy went down to sleep in recovery. Precious Avery was with Aunt Lindsey and her kids so that was a blessing too. She did get to see them and wants so badly to hold them. None of us got too much sleep. Our little ones will be in the NICU for quite a while as they get stronger. Baby Erin Nicole needs to develop more on her eating, which is normal and expected. Baby Kenneth is doing well with his own food. So we can already see their little personalities as well. Most precious and adorable twins! To think their mommy and her twin Nicole were born at this hospital almost 29 years ago.
We do get to touch our little ones which is a blessing. Erin was the first one to poop so shes already competing with her brother. She is also waving her feet around in the air looking for his head to kick we assume...kind of cute. I awaite the progress as they grow stronger and look forward to them arriving into our arms. What a blessing the Lord God has given us in this time.
Sunday, August 08, 2010
32 weeks; and Ten Years
Ten years Holly and I have been dating, if one can count the last seven being married. I do count marriage as dating because we should never stop going after the girl we love. We have come this far and it has been a wonderful experinece. Sure there are memories both good and bad but in the end the Lord has done so much to bless us.
Holly is at 32 weeks now. She spent a couple more days at the hospital this past week and I know the hour is soon when we will have these twins. Kind of feels like it should be anyway, they have spent enough time baking as they call the process. Don't know what will come but the Lord does and He is in control of all things. So we push on and look forward to what is ahead of us.
Holly is at 32 weeks now. She spent a couple more days at the hospital this past week and I know the hour is soon when we will have these twins. Kind of feels like it should be anyway, they have spent enough time baking as they call the process. Don't know what will come but the Lord does and He is in control of all things. So we push on and look forward to what is ahead of us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)