Fall approaches

Change has a funny way of happening faster than you thought it ever would. Seems like the last three weeks have gone by without a chance for us to even catch our breath; the whole year has been like a whirlwind. Now we are sitting here three weeks out, our little precious babies still in the NICU, Avery getting ready for preschool, me getting ready to quit my job, Holly heading back to hers soon, and we are not feeling much ready.

Every day we just pray harder for the Lord to move, for Him to do something amazing and bring our babies home. It seems so senseless to have them be so far away, we can’t take them and hold them and feed them whenever we want. Forced to play the role of NICU parents, it is more difficult than you can imagine. Each night we lay awake, sleep is allusive.

September approaches and the season of fall is at hand. Last year around this time we were mourning the loss of our little one who passed in an ectopic pregnancy. Her name was to be Raina and it still hurts deeply that only the two of us even remember. And after so many attempts to have siblings for Miss Avery, we finally have a successful set of new babies and here we have them….but no wait we can’t actually take them home. Seems kind of cruel really…. Somehow in some way there is a reason.

Being a stay at home dad will be a huge adventure, and it does seems like the best choice to be made right now. But its scary, of course and I am nervous about the whole process. But deep down every day I am going to hate myself for not being smart enough to have a better job so the roles could be reversed. And I do tire of everyone who throws it in my face. If I could get a job which paid better I would be doing it by now. But no, I went to Bible school for five years and have nothing to stand on in the job market right now. So other than a desire to work in ministry…. I am going to be a great stay at home father. Just hopefully I can get some other work as well to make up for it.

September will prove to be a busy month then, with Avery starting her new school, my 29th birthday, and several more trips back and forth to the hospital. These have to make for some of the most difficult days in our lives right now, but the Lord is faithful and will see us through. We can trust Him and we will trust Him regardless. He has a plan, and we know He will guide us every step of the way.